Tag Archives: Tag: Poor Ports

Games which exist as conversions / ports of previously existing games, attempting [and failing] to bring them to platforms other than the ones they were initially designed in mind for. Often in this process, certain elements of the original game are “lost in translation,” or reproduced so poorly as to barely resemble the source material.

Sword of Sodan

Posted on January 2, 2023 by Cassidy

“There’s an Angel on My Shoulder, in My Hand a Sword of Sodan.”

Legend tells of a beloved Amiga beat ‘em up, and its cursed conversion to Sega’s Genesis. But in our quest to discover the truth of this tale, we must answer an ancient riddle: Was the original ever any good to begin with?

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Spirit of Speed 1937

Posted on June 3, 2022 by Cassidy

“I’ve Got the Need for Spirit of Speed!”

LJN mounted a brief comeback in the year 2000 to publish a period racing game on Sega’s Dreamcast, before just as quickly falling back out of view. Did Spirit of Speed crash and burn, or was it perhaps unfairly disqualified?

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Mortal Kombat Trilogy (Game.com)

Posted on January 22, 2022 by Cassidy

“Mortal Kombat Trilogy. The Future’s Dead, Fundamentally.”

Thirty-seven kombatants enter the deadly tournament, but only thirteen emerge to kompete in this ill-advised Game.com konversion. See what korners Tiger kut in bringing Mortal Kombat Trilogy to their kult handheld.

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DOOM (3DO)

Posted on December 29, 2021 by Cassidy

“Swept With the Boom, Don’t Forget to Assume, Time Catches up With Some 3DO DOOM.”

DOOM‘s foray onto the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer doomed from the word go, thanks to its being handled by the industry’s most clueless publisher. Given just ten weeks’ time to develop it, a lone hero would thwart Hell itself to see the game through.

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SQIJ!

Posted on April 1, 2021 by Cassidy

“We Were Living for the City, Now We’re Living for the SQIJ.”

In which all the excruciating details of the ZX Spectrum’s least functional game are finally revealed! Will our titular fowl find some comfort in the truths behind his most disastrous conversion?

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Spelunker (NES)

Posted on May 29, 2020 by Cassidy

“That Old Spelunker’s Golden.”

In one of the Famicom’s most infamous kusogē, slight falls spell fatality for an unfortunate spelunker. Does “The Weakest Action Hero in the History of Video Games” truly earn his distinction, or have the rumors of his many deaths been an exaggeration?

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Dead or Alive Paradise

Posted on December 2, 2019 by Cassidy

“Cause It’s Another DoA for You and Me in Paradise.”

When Dead or Alive came to the PlayStation Portable, its reception was anything other than warm and sunny. Find out what got lost in the translation, and if the handheld hardware could still handle Tecmo’s patented ‘Bouncing Breast’™ tech.

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Dark Castle (Genesis)

Posted on July 13, 2019 by Cassidy

“Building up High My Dark Castle Walls.”

We venture forth into the depths of the Dark Castle, to unearth the 16-bit cartridge which spelled doom for a classic computer franchise’s legacy. But do the tales of its tarnished reputation ring true?

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Elf Bowling 1&2

Posted on December 11, 2018 by Cassidy

“A Maiden Elf Calling With Her Bowling Song.”

The story of how a simple Flash game spawned a series of soulless sequels, and a cartridge cash-in that would haunt the Christmas season.

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Energy

Posted on August 22, 2018 by Cassidy

“Ashe is the Color of Your Energy.”

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Annihilate the demonic beast army as the world’s greatest ESP warrior! But is this assignment one that you should consider turning down?

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